When the students weren’t the only ones taking home new knowledge everyday.
When he brought home a candy bar from the gas station even though I said, “nah I’m good.”
When I didn’t rely on others to validate me, affirm me – because I knew what I was doing was my best and it was good enough – great, even.
When I stopped sabotaging myself, selling myself short, stuck on the worst case scenario, always wondering when it would all fall apart – as though I was just summoning those bad vibes to join me in bed every damn night until they took control and now –
happiness is just a memory. stuffed to the basement with everything else I forgot I needed.
It’s hard for many to admit: you truly do not have control over anything except for yourself. I’ll be honest, this is one thing that has absolutely wrecked me over this last year of my life. I never considered myself to be the Type A control freak. I’m way too introverted to carry that title and position. Most “control freaks” run a situation, refusing to let others take over.
I, rather, let other people run the show while I watch from the sidelines as things fall apart because I knew better but was too afraid to stand up and say anything. What happens when things don’t work out as planned? Someone has to pick up the pieces and fix it. Enter me: the fixer. I have no issues with this role. Never have.
January is definitely not too late to finally tell you how my students fared during National Novel Writing Month in November, right?
Better late than never, right?
Ok ok. The gripping conclusion:
This year, I had a total of 73 students write at least one word during the month. Some wrote stories, some journaled daily, some did other questionable things but I counted it anyway.
Period by period, it broke down to:
1st period
32056
2nd period
37850
5th Period
36906
For a grand total of……
106,812 words!
Pop the confetti cannons, sound the horn!
You guys, I was so blown away by what my 7th grade students accomplished in just one month of incorporating daily writing. I’m even more so astonished because roughly 60% of them are still learning at home, joining in through Zoom daily.
I did add in a little bribery to help propel that number into the six figure mark. Obviously, Thanksgiving falls in November, so that meant a full 5 days where I couldn’t force students to write during class time. Recognizing that I would not get to 100k if they didn’t write, I offered up a total of $40 in gift cards. $10 for the most words written in each class period, and one extra $10 to the most words written overall. I had about 10 students write some during the break, but the three who took the gift cards combined for over 10,000 words to add to the total. Those students received a gift card of their choice before we left for the break. 🙂
We were hoping to have a huge party at the end, have students share a paragraph or two, enjoy some snacks and drinks, but some sudden changes in our 7th grade team forced us to change plans. Teaching in 2020-2021: 0 stars/do not recommend.
BUT this gave me hope. I was never prouder entering in final word counts on December 1 and seeing not just the 100k, but just some of the amazing word counts students were able to put up. So many didn’t think they’d write more than 100 words, and were amazed at themself at the end seeing they wrote more than 1,000!
I can’t wait for the opportunity to do this again, perhaps on a bigger scale? But if not, my own classroom is good enough for me.
So often – okay, literally everyday – I find myself making the decision to not do something because I don’t think it’ll work out, I’m not good enough to do it. No one is going to like it anyway, so why bother? I’ll be honest, hitting publish on blog posts many days is a challenge, and a great post will sit in my drafts for months and months because I fear it’s not good enough.
I have a hard time feeling good about anything if I don’t get validation from it. That sounds so bad and typing it was actually harder than writing it in my journal. If I don’t get likes and comments, I should just throw it away so no one knows it bombed. I’m a failure. Why am I doing this?
Last year, I read about this idea that instead of setting goals and resolutions, that you instead choose one word for a new year. One word that will propel you towards your goals. It’s hard to remember a to-do list for the year. But one word? You can plaster that everywhere. Phone backgrounds, journals covers/pages, walls, steering wheels, etc.
I actually did this with my seventh grade students last year, with a list of words to help them. I had them pick 3 words, brainstorm why they wanted to choose each one, and then pick the one word that resonated with them the most. When I did my weekly check-ins, I checked in on if/how they were using that word to push them through their days. Check out their responses!
As I’ve been taking stock of the year 2020 and attempting to set some “goals” for myself, I find myself always going back to one word.
This year, I want to make sure the people I love KNOW that I love them.
But most importantly, I just want to love myself.
I mentioned in a previous post that my most used phrase in my journal in 2020 was “I hate myself.” How can you motivate yourself to make positive changes in mindset when you hate yourself? Answer: you can’t.
I like the idea that loving myself still allows me to kinda live in the moment. Some days, loving myself might just mean eating a huge bag of Hot Cheetos or drinking a bottle of wine. Others, it may be working out, making healthier food choices. I just want to change the mindset of hating myself to loving it.
I recognize it’s not a snap-your-fingers ideology. I still battle a lot of negative thoughts on the daily, but I am hopeful I can start making some positive changes to help shift that mindset. I can love myself. I will love myself.
Your journal is a safe space to express feelings, emotions, opinions, etc. about anything and everything. Whether you choose to just do a daily debrief at the end of the day, a more structured journal experience with daily prompts, or a gratitude journal, it is all private writing that you never have to share with anyone unless you choose to.
There are options: you can journal on a computer using any word processor, you can download apps for your phone/tablet, or you can go the old fashioned way and write with pen and paper. Pen and paper gives you an opportunity to decorate it to your liking, plus, a chance to break away from technology and blue light.
You can choose any time of the day to set aside for journaling. If you’re a morning person, you can make a cup of tea or coffee, find a space, and write before you start your day. Maybe you’re a mid-day journaler – taking some time during your lunch break to debrief from a rough morning. If you’re like me, you can journal at night before bed as a way to wrap up the day and summarize your experiences and emotions that you had.
For many, you are able to process things so much better in writing. I know for myself, I rely on ranting and venting to eventually get to the point of what I’m mad about, and in writing, I can do that without the judgement of others, and finally start to process what I’m actually feeling by the end of a page. I’m mad that _____, but actually I’m just hurting because ______. Journaling gives me the opportunity to really delve into my brain and identify triggers and feelings, so that I’m less likely to have an outburst out loud because I was unable to express my true emotions.
After some time, your journal can serve as a reminder of all the good and bad times you had. For me, my therapist convinced me to read through my entries from this year to show all the challenges I pushed through and the growth I made. I didn’t believe her, and figured it would just bring up a ton of emotions I did not want to process again, but she was right. While I did feel some emotions reading through the entries, I also felt proud for all that I had been able to work through this year. 2020 as a teacher was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Too bad 2021 won’t be much different.
Even though I haven’t blogged regularly this year, I have had a post like this on my mind for the last week or so. I feel like I’ve spent many days of my Christmas vacation thinking about everything that has happened this year, for better or worse (mostly worse). 2020 was a hard year for everyone (my therapist reminds me weekly: “it’s not just you, Danielle”).
I actually spent some time yesterday rereading my journal (which I started regularly writing in in July). I had mentioned to my therapist I was afraid to read a lot of what was in there because it was so raw. There were a lot of emotions behind those entries…MY emotions. Rather, as she said (seriously how does she know everything), it gave me a chance to look back on all the challenges I pushed through this year and the progress I’ve made.
The Caffeinated Writer 