NaNoWriMo: A Shocking Week 2 Update

It’s the end of week 2 of National Novel Writing Month, so you know what that means — time for an update on my students’ progress!

I promise this post will be shorter and much quicker to the point. You can recap all the information about our NaNoWriMo project in my first two posts! (One) (Two)

Once again, these is only the numbers for my students; I do not have data for the other 7th grade ELAR teachers’ students at this time, but hope that at the end I can share their numbers as well. I’m trying to figure out how to get those numbers without creating more work for my colleagues. 2020 is hard enough, am I right?

Ok, without further ado…

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On Being Hard On Yourself

After leaving a meeting that I joined into even though I had to take the day off today, I sat here at my desk recognizing that I am literally my own worst critic. Honestly, I already knew that, but I feel like I need to keep saying it out loud to fully accept it as the truth. It’s a mindset I do not wish upon anybody, because in my mind, I am never good enough.

I strive and strive to be the best at what I’m doing. Weirdly, this does not affect me in all parts of my life. I never strived to be the best in sports – I was okay with being good enough. I never strived to be the best in school – C’s get degrees, baby. I never strived to be the best, most successful sibling/family member/friend, etc.

For me, I strive to be the best in my career: I’m a 7th grade ELAR teacher who is struggling through every part of this school year.

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NaNoWriMo 2020 – Week ONE

Ahh, you have come back to see how my students fared in week one of National Novel Writing Month, I see. Well let me tell you, you are going to feel PROUD when you see these numbers. After a rough week in general, being able to put these numbers on the whiteboard at the end of the day on Friday made me forget some of the stressors I had faced beforehand.

This year, as I mentioned in my previous post, all of my students are participating in some way. Some are going full out, having set word count goals and are writing a larger story via the YWP website. Others are free writing, journaling, using my optional daily prompts, etc. through the month and have not set a word count goal.

My goal is just to get them to WRITE everyday.

So this year, all stats will be numbers only, no percentages. But these numbers – WHOA.

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Mrs. Wright Does NaNo, 2020 Edition

Hello hello once again!

It’s November, which means my annual return to weekly blogging for a month before I once again disappear into the abyss, only to return sporadically when I think of something I just HAVE to share online.

Once again, as we do every year, we have made it to National Novel Writing Month. I know, we literally NEVER thought November would come. Only 114,329 more weeks of 2020 y’all!

I am SO PUMPED for NaNoWriMo this year, as once again I am writing amidst my group of seventh graders. People talk about all the words they “secretly” wrote while working, but then there’s me, writing WITH my students. When they read, I read. When they write, I write! What better way is there to model two fundamental parts of not just education, but life?

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Writing Through An Emotional Journey

After a long hiatus from writing regularly, I am (at least at the moment) back on the grind again. While I haven’t started contributing to my bigger writing project (I’m Not Ok) as of yet, I have been doing my best to write everyday.

Most days, it’s just a journal entry. But as I wrote the other day (When Your Main Character is Really Just You), sometimes when I journal I make these huge self-discoveries that maybe I knew subconsciously, but it didn’t really HIT me until I wrote it down.

When I was younger, writing was all I did. It was all I wanted to do. I was blessed to be 1-to-1 with a laptop through high school, and I would avoid doing classwork because I was working on a story or National Novel Writing Month (sorry mom and past teachers). It was so much simpler back then to find the time to write.

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Feelings Buffet -a poem-

I’m not a poet, but when the urge strikes, you follow it. First draft, enjoy.

Feelings Buffet
They say you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Well – you also can’t overload a full plate.

I mean, you can try,
but you will pile and pile
and pray the plate holds

until a plop, crack, crash to the floor,
food strewn for dogs to lick
until they’re sick and you –
broken into pieces like the plate
you thought could hold it all.

It couldn’t,
and neither can you.

Empty the plate first.
Ask yourself – is there room for more
inside? Do I need more? Why?
Isn’t one plate enough?
You’re stuffed.
Stop acting so tough.

Full plate, empty cup
enough is enough.
Wake up –
stand up straight.

And for the last time,
stop overloading your plate.

Does Every Story Need A Happy Ending?

While brainstorming a basic plot line of my current WIP “I’m Not OK,” I was faced with an interesting decision at the end. It’s not a decision I’ve never had to make before, but it felt more difficult to make this time for some reason.

See, I’m Not OK is very emotionally dense (as I outlined in this previous post). The main character Mariah is facing such huge mental health issues. The novel kind of follows her descent mentally, with the true breaking point coming at the end. I pondered for a long time if the story would be best with a happy ending, or if I could pull off a more sad ending. With a title like “I’m Not OK,” would a sad ending be that surprising?

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Have I Made a Mistake? -a poem-

–this is rough but I found this in my journal dated November 2019; wanted to share–

Have I Made a Mistake?
Why else would I feel this way?
Years of trying, deciding,
this felt satisfying – like a cool breeze on a warm day.

And yet, lately, it’s felt like a slow fall into a volcano.
Hot, panicked, awaiting doom.

Have I made a mistake?

At home, I’m so calm.
Here, I’m so not.

Heart racing, mind chasing thoughts and fears,
face full of tears as I hide
in the bathroom once more
to avoid the weakness I carry in my soul.

I thought this was it.
I thought this was where I’m meant to be.
My thoughts instead say:

“Hey, have you made a mistake?”

When Your Main Character is Really Just You

Personal post ahead, but I think others will relate.

I started a project in 2018 titled “I’m Not Ok.” It’s been very slow going because it’s honestly very emotionally dense, as you would expect a novel by that title to be. The brunt of the words were written in the fall of 2019, when I was at a pretty dark time in my life. My anxiety was at an ALL TIME high, and I (self diagnosed) fell into depression. I blame my job (I teach 7th grade) for a lot of it, but it affected my life outside of work as well.

As you can imagine, teachers in the US aren’t sitting in a pretty position currently. I live in a current “hotspot” for COVID-19, and schools reopening (or not) is the hot topic in town. Starting remotely 100% reeks of privilege, but starting face to face comes at what cost?

Everything is changing daily. The district I work for makes a plan, we start to think in that direction, and then something changes. Be it by the state, the city, or just the district. You get so used to the monotony of things being relatively the same every year, that when it’s all up in the air, it’s hard NOT to be anxious.

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Personal Growth and Discovery #3

Like many new year’s resolutioners, I’m back! This time, to attempt a 31-day journaling adventure of personal growth and discovery.

In nice terms, 2019 SUCKED. So I’m dedicating 2020 to ME, MYSELF, and I.

I’ll be utilizing the writing prompts from this website.

Day 3: What are some of my limiting beliefs that might be holding me back?

What if I fail and it makes me look incompetent?

What if I’m rejected and have to face those emotions?

As I mentioned in my writing yesterday, negative self-talk is my specialty. I am always convincing myself that it’s better to think negatively, that way if I fail, it doesn’t hurt as bad. I don’t necessarily believe a lot of the negative thoughts I have about myself, but I do let them limit what I do.

I often find myself not volunteering for things, not opening my door to visitors, not willing to take risks to create a better career or life for myself. I let my fear of failure and rejection let me just ride along at the average level I’m comfortable at.

The issue with comfortable, is that line moves.

I was watching Bar Rescue last night, and I made a comment that so many of these bars that do really well for years and then begin to fail are doing so because they refuse to change. They think that what works right now will still work in five year.

Living a comfortable life is the same. Comfortable as a measure changes as we move along in life. What is comfortable now, won’t be in a few years, months, weeks, even days.

I limit myself. And it’s time I take a leap of faith and see what happens.

What does that mean? I don’t know. Is it a leap as a teacher? A leap to further my career? A leap in my personal life? Only time will tell.