This week is clearly sidestepping to a more personal tone. I will get back to writing about writing soon! And eventually finish the book I started (writing and reading lol).

I’m trying to be excited about Christmas this year.

The weather is great, just like when I grew up in Texas. Christmas this year in SW Virginia is forecasted to be 74° F. How great is that?

Well, some would argue it’s not. But I for one am glad I have not had to pull my winter clothes out of the closet yet!

I hate winter. I only like the snow about once a year, and ONLY if I’m not expected to venture out of my apartment.

My dog is adorable in the snow though (well she’s adorable all the time but just look!). This was the one big snowfall we got last year. I was able to hide and chill an entire bottle of wine in it!

Xena in the snow!

Weather aside, the biggest suck of all this year is it’s the first time I don’t get to spend Christmas with my family. We alternate holidays right now (as long as we can), so my family got Christmas last year. Brad gets his this year.

My post from Monday gives a glimpse of why I’m not super excited to spend the day with Brad’s family. Will I do my best to have a good time? ABSOLUTELY. Please don’t get the idea that I’m going to make myself have a terrible time over there!

I’m going to miss all the traditions back in Texas though. Christmas Eve with Dad’s side of the family, usually involved tamales! Christmas morning breakfast and present opening, and Christmas dinner with Mom’s side of the family. The holidays are always a huge family affair.

I’m not 100% on the plans this year. I’m just hoping we can all have a good time and do our best to hold back the resentment.

All I want for Christmas is for Brad’s family to let me feel like I’m part of them. That I don’t have to feel awkward going to grab a soda out of the fridge, or a pack of Goldfish out of the cabinet. If I can do it at my friend’s, I should be able to do this at my in-laws too!

Christmas also stresses me out because I’ve surrounded myself with some very financially stable people who like to give for Christmas. Brad is getting me a $400 gun this year (woo! Pew pew!). I’m probably getting him a video game and some jeans. Or a wallet. He doesn’t care what he gets. His list is always practical. But I feel like my gifts never stand up to his.

And maybe that’s just how it’s always going to be. Our first Christmas together (we’d been dating a month), he bought me a huge pink stuffed unicorn with a diamond necklace around its neck, and a $100 gift card to Kohl’s.

I bought him a phone case. And he loved it!

Yeah, he’s definitely a giver.

I quit my second job in October for reasons I have seriously considered calling corporate on, but I don’t care anymore. It was my extra spending money, about $300-400 a month. I had to apply to lower my student loan payments (from 298 to 65!).  I’m not in the best place financially, and I can’t go into debt buying Christmas presents. It’s how my parents got into financial trouble.

But gosh. I feel so bad only spending $20-30 a person when I know they’re spending more.

I can’t believe Christmas is next Friday. Or that the last day to ship USPS Flat Rate boxes is Monday.

So that’s where I’m at right now. I’m trying to not dread Christmas this year. It should be the happiest holiday of the year! Or maybe that’s New Year’s because it’s socially acceptable to get drunk and feel like it’s a clean slate come midnight. Who knows.

Tell me: What are you doing for Christmas this year? Are you looking forward to it?