Tag Archives: anxiety

Feelings Buffet -a poem-

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I’m not a poet, but when the urge strikes, you follow it. First draft, enjoy.

Feelings Buffet
They say you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Well – you also can’t overload a full plate.

I mean, you can try,
but you will pile and pile
and pray the plate holds

until a plop, crack, crash to the floor,
food strewn for dogs to lick
until they’re sick and you –
broken into pieces like the plate
you thought could hold it all.

It couldn’t,
and neither can you.

Empty the plate first.
Ask yourself – is there room for more
inside? Do I need more? Why?
Isn’t one plate enough?
You’re stuffed.
Stop acting so tough.

Full plate, empty cup
enough is enough.
Wake up –
stand up straight.

And for the last time,
stop overloading your plate.

Have I Made a Mistake? -a poem-

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–this is rough but I found this in my journal dated November 2019; wanted to share–

Have I Made a Mistake?
Why else would I feel this way?
Years of trying, deciding,
this felt satisfying – like a cool breeze on a warm day.

And yet, lately, it’s felt like a slow fall into a volcano.
Hot, panicked, awaiting doom.

Have I made a mistake?

At home, I’m so calm.
Here, I’m so not.

Heart racing, mind chasing thoughts and fears,
face full of tears as I hide
in the bathroom once more
to avoid the weakness I carry in my soul.

I thought this was it.
I thought this was where I’m meant to be.
My thoughts instead say:

“Hey, have you made a mistake?”

When Your Main Character is Really Just You

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Personal post ahead, but I think others will relate.

I started a project in 2018 titled “I’m Not Ok.” It’s been very slow going because it’s honestly very emotionally dense, as you would expect a novel by that title to be. The brunt of the words were written in the fall of 2019, when I was at a pretty dark time in my life. My anxiety was at an ALL TIME high, and I (self diagnosed) fell into depression. I blame my job (I teach 7th grade) for a lot of it, but it affected my life outside of work as well.

As you can imagine, teachers in the US aren’t sitting in a pretty position currently. I live in a current “hotspot” for COVID-19, and schools reopening (or not) is the hot topic in town. Starting remotely 100% reeks of privilege, but starting face to face comes at what cost?

Everything is changing daily. The district I work for makes a plan, we start to think in that direction, and then something changes. Be it by the state, the city, or just the district. You get so used to the monotony of things being relatively the same every year, that when it’s all up in the air, it’s hard NOT to be anxious.

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