Tag Archives: blogging

Change

Posted on by

1

Just over a year ago, I wrote and posted a poem that greatly affected my career and relationship with my boss. At least 8 people I thought were my friends sent it to her the following morning.

Did I think that so many people would see it and send it to her? No. Did I enjoy the immediate backlash from posting it? Obviously not. I hate conflict, and boy did it create conflict. Ultimately though, do I regret posting it? Absolutely not. I find that writing is how I can be most vulnerable and how I can share my truest feeling about subjects that are affecting me.

Continue reading →

Found Words II

Posted on by

0

Tired
Be the best everyday –
mold minds and inspire,
try to light a fire
in the minds of students
lacking the desire to learn
or try.

Why?

I’ve tried it all –
it’s like trying to captain a ship
but all the crewmates panic
because there’s no cellphone service
on the ocean. I can’t do it all.
I’m tired. Slowly, we sink together.

TRIED = TIRED

March 2023,

an anagram poem inspired by anagram poetry in Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds

Sharing poems I find in old journals or my Google drive

carousel [a poem]

Posted on by

2

safe.
the one ride i know i’ll survive –
no bumps, turns, flips, drops,
no sudden stops.
one speed,
round and round
again and again
and then, the end.
get off or stay on, 
ride one more time because it’s

safe.
why take a risk,
a chance you might break
down and lose it all?
fall and fall
until there’s nowhere to go
all because you left your comfort zone.
all alone
future unknown.
you wanted an escape,
left behind what was

safe.
round and round,
again and again –
all fine until that moment when
the monotony of it all sets in.
you’ve lost your happiness from within.

Found Words I

Posted on by

0

I knew enough about hangovers to stop me from opening the second bottle. See, the days were already rough, the heat like roasting in an oven. To add one more problem would be like cutting the grass when it’s already dead. But what else would take away the pain of what I’d lost that day? My dog of six years, the ultimate snuggler, my blanket on the coldest nights, now across the rainbow bridge. What else could help me ignore the empty spot on my bed? In my heart?

8/8/2023

sharing the found words in my various journals over the years

A Rant About Teaching and Why Can’t I Change the Whole System By Myself?

Posted on by

0

So here we are again: It’s May, there are less than 20 days of school left, and even though this year was difficult (each one always is for different reasons anymore), I am bustling with ideas of things I want to try next year.

NEXT YEAR?

Yes, next year. While I do have two or three applications out to get out of the classroom and move into curriculum writing (which I think is my true passion), the odds I can get those jobs with very little experience in that subject matter is slim to none, I think. The odds aren’t zero, so I applied.

But am I really a teacher planning on going back next year, even with all the straight disrespect given to us lately? Surprisingly, yes. While there were a lot of challenges between students, colleagues and supervisors, I had a blast with my students this year. Did you know I had no students fail my class in the first semester? I have high expectations. Students met them.

As the year went on, my biggest struggle was in getting my coworkers to care as much as I did: to try new things to help their students; to build relationships and understand why they are the way they are. You’re not always the best teacher because you’re mean (you’re also not always the best because you’re nice either).

Continue reading →

ripped away -a poem-

Posted on by

0

ripped from your fingers
when you’d finally gotten the grasp,
snatched from your hands
that’s it – that’s a wrap.
you got one chance,
you should’ve tried harder –
oh, you felt your life was falling apart? Er —-

too bad, no second chances.
the decision’s been made,
your input be damned.
it’s all a game that’s being played
where we forget that our players
can be human too.
they struggle with emotions,
some more than others do.

we give it our all,
but is it ever enough?
or do we keep ripping opportunities
when the going gets rough?

you think you know me
better than I do –
but how do I prove you wrong when
after all I’ve been through,
everything I’ve tried
isn’t good enough for you.

You ripped this from my fingers,
stomped on it with your shoe.
Now what the hell am I supposed to do?

Turn the Page

Posted on by

2

Well, here we are. I am officially done with every part of the 2020-2021 school year. At the end of last summer, I had every doubt that I could make it through this school year in general without a full on mental breakdown. Every day challenged me in a new way, and forced me to look at my own life, thoughts, behavior, personal expectations, self-doubt. I learned who’s really on my team, and who wears two faces better than I thought they did. Most importantly, I learned that I can make it through anything.

It’s crazy how your own mind can work against you, convincing you with every fiber of your being that you are not worth the love and appreciation other people have to give; that you are not great at what you do no matter how many people tell you otherwise; that everyone would be better off when you’re not around.

Continue reading →

You Are Not A Burden

Posted on by

6

I have to repeat these words to myself on a daily basis recently.

I’ve been posting a lot of poems lately. Not every single one I’ve written, but a good chunk of them. It’s annoying because I want to save them and try and publish a poetry chapbook of my own, but I think there’s power in sharing an emotional struggle to ensure that no one ever truly feels alone in the battle with their own mental health. I feel that when we try harder to hide it from everyone, it’s when we feel the most alone and that we are a burden to those who love us.

I’ve uttered those words to my therapist a few times. “I feel like I’m becoming a burden.” It’s the anxiety/depression talking, I know. She’ll ask in response, “Who told you that you’ve become a burden?” and I have to admit that nobody has said it, that’s just how it feels. It’s crazy what a sick brain can convince you of.

Continue reading →

Relinquishing Control (Or At Least Trying To)

Posted on by

2

It’s hard for many to admit: you truly do not have control over anything except for yourself. I’ll be honest, this is one thing that has absolutely wrecked me over this last year of my life. I never considered myself to be the Type A control freak. I’m way too introverted to carry that title and position. Most “control freaks” run a situation, refusing to let others take over.

I, rather, let other people run the show while I watch from the sidelines as things fall apart because I knew better but was too afraid to stand up and say anything. What happens when things don’t work out as planned? Someone has to pick up the pieces and fix it. Enter me: the fixer. I have no issues with this role. Never have.

Continue reading →