How (Not) to Write the Next NY Times Bestseller

 

  1. Don’t watch Food Network as “research” That Thursday-night marathon of Chopped will most likely not help you. (If you’re writing Food Network fanfiction, disregard this tip)
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  2. Also, do not do dangerous stunts as “research” For real, just because you’re planning on being a bestseller and making moolah, medical bills suck. I’m sure someone else has made that mistake. Watch endless Youtube videos of them doing it instead. (If you live in a country where ER visits are not hundreds of thousands of dollars, disregard this tip)
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  3. Don’t try typing the entire novel with your eyes closed. Sure, it may sound like a great idea to write as you envision the story in your head. But I guarantee that at some point, your fingers will end up on the wrong keys. And you will be sorely disappointed when you start reading a bovel qgwew tiue dingers qwew off. (If you are blind, disregard this tip)
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